She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
