There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
