you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
