Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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