Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
