He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
