I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
