The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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