It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
