He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
