OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we're making bets on your personal life
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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