Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The uberlube is also flammable
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
