I hate all girls vehemently.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The power of my boobs compel you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
