Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
