It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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