I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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