and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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