I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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