I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
