all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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