ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
