no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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