she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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