I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I will be naked everywhere
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize