I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We left the knife in your bed.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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