I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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