Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
