Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
