You don't have asthma, your pregnant
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
