she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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