my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
