You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
