Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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