It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
