I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
