the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
