Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
