I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
