not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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