trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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