shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
