Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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