smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
