hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
