So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
