Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize