I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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