i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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