my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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