i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize