man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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