I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize