you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
