Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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