I should be sponsored by Trojan
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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