and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
