I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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