I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
