just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
