Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
