We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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