I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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