I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
