see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
COCAINE IS GR8
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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