my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
