I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
