found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
