Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
