Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
