I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
